still warm

winter is just about starting and I get a seed catalog in the mail. I think it is way too early to be thinking seeds but per cap coming. I save many of my seeds but still buy some. I want to reach the point of not having to buy seed. I will look at what seeds I have on hand before ordering any.

I got a call from the computer repair folks. my disk has to be replaced at a cost of $195. good news is all my data will be saved and my storage will double to 1 TB. they will reload all my software as well. I can live with that. this is still cheaper than buying a new computer. the repair guy said I had a good machine. I knew that when i shopped around for it. I may be a country indian but I know what I need for the long run.

the wind blew a box of deer tails off the shelf. the dogs got to them and tore them up. now I have to buy more deer tails. the price of deer tails has doubled since I was making roaches last. I will buy enough to last the winter.

good thing I am getting per cap. it is slowing dwindling away before I get it but I will have a computer. i will pay for my propane,  ku tickets, deer tails and seeds too. I have been broke before. when I am broke I will be warm, have a computer to play on and can go watch my favorite team play. don’t take too much to make this indian happy.

I will set my live traps today. Andrew is here and he is always game to do that. indians say you don’t eat rabbit til after the first snow. we had that on Halloween I think. I even washed my face in that first snow. I notice rabbits around my place. I might walk to the timber the next snowfall and do some hunting.

I might clean chickens again. seems they are eating the eggs. I don’t feed them for nothing. I expect something in return. either eggs or chicken soup. I go out to the chicken house a coupla times a day to see if I can save the eggs. it works sometimes. I might get 7 eggs a day or none. I will need to get chicken feed soon.

gotta let the fire go out. the pipes need to be cleaned out again. I don’t know how many times I do that each winter. the tribe did it for me once this year. I will clean the pipes this time.

I get to watch the jayhawks play on espn today. I am not a doomsday fan that gave up on them after one loss. i did give up on the chiefs. the jayhawks haven’t played up to their potential yet. when they do, no one can beat them. only question in my mind is how will they do in the possible six games during the ncaa tournament. one loss and you go home.


fire going

we have had the fire going with the temps being cooler. I am getting my steps in going up and down the stairs to the basement.

KU mens basketball lost last night. we finally get to watch a game and they lose. hope they don’t get on a losing streak like the chiefs. that has been disappointing.

I didn’t think the jayhawks would go undefeated. gotta expect a few loses now and then. that’s how it is in life too. just gotta enjoy the wins more. this team will have plenty more wins.

I am waiting on my KU tickets. they are coming in the mail. I will get to go see two more games at allen fieldhouse. cant beat that atmosphere. the game in Kansas City last night aint the same thing as in our house.

my desktop computer finally cooked. it was running slower and would freeze occasionally. yesterday it wouldn’t turn on. just had a weird screen. I turned it on and off a few times. it finally said trying to fix disc errors. then it said it couldn’t perform that action. I knew it was gone. so I unhooked everything and took the tower to a small computer repair shop.

I told them I didn’t want to spend more on repairs than what a new one was worth. the lady agreed. she said they would look at it and call me in 24 to 48 hours. I hope it is a simple fix. I don’t want to lose my files either. got thousands of pictures. most are backed up though.  I don’t want to spend money to buy a new computer. the one I have is only a year or two old. I bought it with my retirement.

I am using my laptop. I bought it with my retirement too. I wanted to take it on trips. got a few looks carrying a laptop at airports. like no one uses lap tops anymore. this indian does.

I am sorting porcupine hair as often as I can. I have enough to tie two more roaches. I haven’t finished the last one yet. I just sort hair so I can reach a point where I can just make roaches.

got my quarterly doctor appointment and lab tests next week. don’t know how that will turn out. I try to watch what I eat. haven’t been exercising like I should. now I feel pain in my hands and elbow. don’t wanna hear it is arthritis. suspect it is. getting older I guess. better than being dead like the chiefs play off hopes……….

eats, spent per cap, ku tickets

cooked up the squirrels we got when we went hunting. they sure tasted good. we had them with corn meal mush. that’s how we used to cook them when i was young. i had to have a coupla bowls.

i remember we had a funeral here years ago. some Haskell students came to it. we were eating and one man asked the girls if they wanted some squirrel. they gave him a wha the? look. he said the head is good. he cracked it open and slurped the brain down. the look on the girls faces was priceless.

one time an old man told me not to eat the squirrel head. he said if you do the deer hear you coming when you hunt. i don’t hunt that often anymore. i ate one of the heads.

i got used to them when i was younger because it would be one of the few remaining parts by the time i got to the table. not many ate them. we had to wait until guests were done eating before we could eat. them old indians wouldn’t let their guests go away hungry. we had to go hungry if there wasn’t enough.

speaking of eating. we needed to get something at walmarks the other day. it is in what used to be a real red neck town just off the rez. while there we decided to eat. i still don’t like going to that town. i haven’t forgotten being followed around every time we went into a store there in my younger days. i know its not as bad as it used to be. i was hungry so we ate. good thing too. i had a whole catfish. not many places serve them anymore.

there used to be a place by rulo that used to serve catfish. it was right on the Missouri river. you could watch the river roll by as you ate. that place closed. they also used to serve whole catfish at a casino up north. don’t know if they still do. i haven’t been up there in awhile.

per cap is coming. i have part of mine spent already. we ordered propane. we only fill it twice a year. we use the a/c more than the furnace. we burn wood and the only time the furnace kicks on is early in the morning if its cold. that is if the coals die down.

besides paying for propane, i have to pay for my K U tickets. i ordered tickets to the Baylor and TCU games. i wanted west Virginia but they were sold out. the big donors bought them all. saved a few bucks cuz the tickets for that w. Virginia game were going for  $100. i will get to see two more games this year. rock chalk.

cold snap coming

it don’t take much to entertain Samuel. all he needs is his tablet. he will sit quietly and watch kiddie shows on youtube. I get to use my phone now that the kids have tablets to play on.

country indians keep an eye on the weather. I seen temperatures will be in the 60s again tomorrow. that will be the last warm day for awhile. daily temps wont reach the 50s and will be below freezing at night for the next 9 days. william and I tossed more wood into the basement with that in mind. we can deal with that cold snap by having  a fire going in the wood stove.

I was surprised at the wood the tribe brought me. it was a load of oak. no really. I have gotten some in the past but not often. I like hard woods that will make good coals. we stoke up a fire and keep it going around the clock. cant do that with soft woods. or card boardy stuff. we appreciate a load of good wood. I wont have to buy any. cant afford to anyway.

I may get a chance to defrost the freezer with that cold snap coming. we put whatever is frozen into a big plastic trash can with a lid on it. we put that out in the garage while the temps are below freezing. when it is outside none of the food thaws out. we unplug the freezer since it is empty. after all the ice in it thaws we clean it out. once we got that done, we move everything back into the freezer.

I will miss that warm weather we had. I raked up piles of leaves. I mixed that into the compost pile I was turning over. I added chicken manure and dirt from the chicken house into the compost pile too. I will use the compost in my garden next year. the part that is done, that it.

I went to visit my niece in the hospital a coupla times. yesterday I was down there when the KU game was on. I watched the first half in the waiting room and the last 15 minutes in her room. had to be kinda sedate since it was in the hospital. couldn’t cuss or holler in that setting. I watched it again today even though I knew the outcome.

our Mr. coffee pot went fort injun today. it wont work for us anymore. we had to get out an old cowboy pot. gotta have our coffee. it tasted good. I will have to go get another pot this evening. need my coffee first thing in the morning.

think I mention this before. my computer has dual monitors and the sound isn’t great. it only comes out of one speaker. I hooked my computer up to an old bose radio I had. the sound is better with that set up.  I play Pandora radio with this. I have a lot of channels I selected and play them in a shuffle. that way I can hear many of my favorite artists.

I will be back to working on roaches this week.

time of the season

my grand daughter Cecelia  came over this week. she was suppose to spend a few hours with me after her dental appointment. she put her hat and coat on, blew me a kiss and headed to the door. I laughed and told her she wasn’t going anywhere. that girl shows me her sense of humor.

it still isn’t cold outside but I started a fire in the wood stove. the house gets a little cool, especially at night when the temperatures dip. I don’t like waking up to a cold floor. now it is nice and cozy. a warm house gives us that good home feeling. we probably have enough wood to last the bulk of the winter. I am grateful for that.

I was given an elk brain. I tried to tan a deer hide before. it didn’t turn out right. the fibers didn’t break. someone told me to just do it over.  I still have that hide. it is scraped. I might soak it then add the elk brain to it and try to tan it again. aint got nothing to lose. I could end up with a tanned hide. I would have to make a frame to stretch it on.

I am not totally a Grinch. I put up a Christmas tree for the grand kids. and I like to see the lights on. maybe that is a holdover from my hippie days. the boys are coming tonight. Andrew will notice the tree as soon as he walks in.

again I know some indians don’t believe we should celebrate the holiday. after boarding school I can tell them a few things about having someones beliefs forced on you. we observe the season. we know the kids see what everyone else is doing. I wouldn’t take away the joy of them getting new toys.  we aren’t  into only giving during this time. we give all year long.

I don’t care to hear all the Christmas carols. maybe because it reminds me of boarding school when we couldn’t be home during that season.  I like to listen to the radio or to the  music channels on cable tv  a lot while working. now some of them play Christmas music too damn much. I play my playlists on my computer instead. one of the few Christmas songs I like is war is over by john lennon. it reminds me of my brother larry.

I had dinner with a coupla older ladies. one was talking about how some fort injuns were treating their own people. I repeated something I say often. I said money was the best thing that ever happened to us. and the worst. some of our people treat others very badly because of money. or rather the control of it. I cant see how some of our people stab each other in the back over it. or how some rip our people off with out any sense of conscience. that aint our way. money has changed the thinking of some of our people.

I will finally get to watch my favorite team on tv. the jayhawks are on espn tomorrow at 4:30. I hope nothing comes up because I want to watch the game. I like to see how much they progress from early season to mid season and then by tournament time. rock chalk.


almost december

I listened to the K U game on the radio last night. cant get more rez than that. I hope the new tv deal is making a hellva lot more money. not many of the fan base  here can watch games now. prices at home games have gone up too. I can’t watch my favorite team unless it is a big game.

there is a backlash at the president using a racial slur at an event that was suppose to honor the code talkers. thanks for the concern America . where the hell were you when they used attack dogs, rubber bullets, pepper spray and water cannons on indians that were praying for clean water?

I am not at shocked by anything this president says. he insults almost everyone. well except for the “alt-right” and the Russians.

I just finished reading another book. it was about indian boarding schools. it was actually written by an indian that went to boarding school. I nodded a few times, thinking yeah know that feeling. I ordered a book off the internet. I had it once but someone ‘borrowed’ it. haven’t seen it since.

I had some left over wild rice I heated up. I usually reach for my hot sauce when I eat. I hesitated and wondered do you put hot sauce on wild rice? I thought why the hell not. I use hot sauce on everything, so I did. it tasted good to me. country indians can do anything they want.

i think i will go to bingo tonight. in a coupla weeks my old folks check is coming. so is my per cap. who knows i might win. if not, hell i have been broke before.

gotta do a graveside service today. then got another ceremony after that. good thing i am retired. i never know when i will be called on. after that i will be able to get back to sorting porky hair.

warm november

temperatures are  suppose to be in the low 70s today. that is real warm for the end of November. we let our fire go out for the past week or two. it will be going again but not any time soon.

I don’t remember it being this warm this late in the year. there is no such thing as global warming or climate change though right? that’s what the people who are destroying the planet tell us. meanwhile we are trying to recycle plastic bottles to save the environment.

I will take advantage of the warm weather by doing outside chores this week. I will turn over my compost pile. I might start another pile with the   leaves laying in the yard. I will clean the garage out again. it always fills back up with too much junk. I cant find a tool when I need it. maybe I will go hunting again. I have a doctor appointment and lab tests coming up in a few weeks. gotta get my exercise in before then.

I will toss more wood into the basement this week. the tribal guys dump it near the back of my house. that saves me from carrying it a long way. I use a wagon i got at a garage sale to load it in. that cuts down on trips carrying armfuls of wood. it saves me from back pain too. I pull a wagon full to the basement window and drop the wood in. when it gets real cold outside I reach for another log to toss into the stove.

the weather may have been warmer but my chickens aren’t laying that many eggs. I am getting a few but nothing consistent. last year they laid even when it was colder. maybe they will pick up soon.

I have more porky hair to sort. it is a never ending chore. I can do some binge watching while working. I recorded some movies this weekend. most of the movie channels were free. don’t want to sound all rez but it was free hbo, showtime and starz. I don’t have them in my package. don’t have K U basketball either. unless it is a big game like Kentucky. I wont get to watch the game tomorrow night. I listen to more games on the radio than I watch on tv.

when I got my retirement money a year or so ago I bought myself a new computer. it was the newest, fastest machine I could buy. even got dual monitors. now it is slowing down. sometimes it will freeze up. I try to do a disk clean whenever I can. it automatically defrags, so that aint a problem. probably too much adware on it. maybe later I will have to take it to a shop to get it running faster. I grew up without electricity but cant live without my computer.

will see what this week brings.


had enough eats

pleased that I haven’t over eaten even if I have been around plenty of food. we had a big family thanksgiving dinner on Thursday and went out for Chinese last night.

I enjoyed the food but didn’t act like a kokosh. I wont ever forget the days when I have gone hungry. I am glad my kids and grand kids didn’t have to know those times.

seen a few indians on facebook say something to the effect that we shouldn’t celebrate the thanksgiving holiday. something to do with “colonialism” or something. didnt they glom onto that old phrase from the aim days? well they entitled to their belief as I am mine. its got nothing to do with celebrating the day. it is a time when everyone is off at the same time and we can get together. aint celebrating nothing but family time.

I don’t get how some think what they believe is the only way. maybe for them but not for everyone else. a few kinda get pretty self righteous about it. back in boarding school days I had beliefs forced on me. once out of that system I decided I only believe what I want to. when people try to impose their beliefs on me, I don’t say anything. I try to live what I believe in, but I don’t expect anyone else to believe the same things I do. `

we have some ham left over. I will dice it up to freeze. later we will have ham and beans. that’s rez. that is one reason I like to have ham. grew up on ham and beans.

the leaves are falling and are laying everywhere. I see piles of them. it makes me wanna get ambitious and rake them up.  if I do, I will start a new compost pile. it wont be ready for spring time but the present pile will be. I will get ready for the following year.

if the warm weather we are having holds up I will be able to toss more wood into the basement. the tribe brought me another load before the holiday. I will have enough to last me thru most of the winter now. best part is I wont have to go outside to get it. it will be stacked in the basement.

I haven’t been working on roaches lately. well i have sorted hair for many hours. so I guess i have worked on them. just haven’t finished tying the last one. I aint worried about it. I know that I will make plenty of roaches over the course of the winter. will be back on track after the holiday.

happy thanksgiving

this is an old picture I took of some wild turkeys. nope wont be eating any of them for thanksgiving. they don’t weigh as much as the tame variety. America is about glut, as is this holiday.

once we had an all employee thanksgiving dinner at this one place I worked. the boss kinda mentioned going around the table and having everyone tell what they were thankful for. we didn’t do it because there were so many workers.

I am glad we didn’t. I wouldn’t have known how to respond to such an open ended topic. I might have sounded too rez. mighta said something like ‘I am thankful I am still alive’. or ‘thankful I didn’t drink myself to death’. etc. there are many things I am thankful for. and that is every day. not just this one day.

when I say I am thankful I am still alive, I don’t say that in jest. I know I am fortunate I still walk this earth. I could have died a number of times. in my youth I led such a life that I accepted I would die young. I didn’t. I am thankful for that. I lost many real down bros and family members. I miss them. I am thankful I will always carry fond memories of them thru out my life.

along that same line, I am thankful I have a good home. it is a place where me and my family feel welcome. I have watched the trees I planted grow to almost 40 feet tall. that’s stability I needed.  I remember the days of going nowhere in my youth. I didn’t have a home or a place of my own. I just wandered place to place.

after boarding school I rejected religion. I could never understand how you could teach God’s love by beating little indian kids. later I learned not all church people are hypocrites. many are truly good people. I was guided back to my native traditions. it gave me an inner peace I couldn’t find anywhere else. I am thankful for that.

I was heavily into alcohol and drugs in my misguided youth . I didn’t really have any purpose in life. I lost many jobs, golden opportunities and friendships because of my drinking and doping.  i went hungry many times because of the lifestyle I led. those days are long gone. I am thankful for that.

while bumming around, I experienced or witnessed many injustices in this life.  I didn’t have much but I seen that many had less than I. I learned to appreciate what I had. I seen too much violence, ugliness and stupidity. I am thankful I learned I didn’t have to be like that. I try to treat people good because I seen so many treat others badly.

I know there are people that don’t like me or my family. I couldn’t care less. don’t wanna to be around such bitter, negative people anyway. I am thankful the people that love and respect me genuinely do. they are the ones I care for. the haters don’t get any respect, maybe that’s what makes them so ugly. something aint right in their life. I am thankful I don’t have to live like them.

there are many things I am thankful for. I am always aware of that. I grew up on this rez when we had nothing. now we live in a time of plenty. I can appreciate what I have because I never forget when I had nothing.

seen my aunt off

last nights sunset was especially red. I had to see if I could get a picture of it with my cell phone. I did. i found that usually cell phones cant capture the sunset like you see them. I got this one with out a filter. don’t have any, anyway.

last night, I went to the rosary for my aunt Zelda who passed away recently. she was 94 years old. quite a few of my relatives on my paternal side live to an old age. I will see if that holds true for me. I always had a feeling I would live to be an old man. I used to think if I aint dead yet, I wont ever die.

today I went to our lady of the snows for the funeral mass. I joked with a few people that I haven’t been inside a church in years, hope I wont get struck down by lightning. one said we will see. I didn’t. while sitting in that church I remember that my brothers and I would serve mass when we were younger. we would serve while bare footed. talk bout poor indians. the ritual has changed from the days I used to go. we had to do the responses in latin.

I quit going to church because of the way I was treated at boarding school. someone I told that to didn’t understand what I was talking about. guess they wouldn’t since they didn’t go like I did. I experienced the horror stories that you hear of. I don’t need someone to tell me what boarding schools were like.

after mass we went to shipshe cemetery. my aunt Cecelia is buried near aunt Zelda. I noticed on the way a tribal vehicle didn’t stop for the funeral procession. I noticed that a few other times too. guess some weren’t taught respect for the dead.

we went back to snows for dinner. it was a nice dinner. I visited with relatives there. after eating I came home. I will sort porcupine hair til the K U game comes on. again I wont get to watch it.. too bad someone on the rez aint got that channel. even if they did would they invite some country indians over to watch the games. doubt it. like the old days, I will listen to it on the radio.